The hidden cost of Perfectionism: When high standards hurt more than help
At first glance, perfectionism can seem like a strength. After all, who wouldn’t want to be detail-oriented, driven, and committed to doing their best? But beneath the surface, perfectionism often comes at a cost - affecting our mental health, relationships, and overall wellbeing.
What is Perfectionism, really?
Perfectionism isn’t simply having high standards. It’s the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. This often leads to a cycle of harsh self-criticism, fear of failure, and chronic stress. There’s a constant sense of “never enough,” no matter how much is achieved.
Feher et al. (2020) measured perfectionism accordingly to three different types:
Self-oriented: Holding yourself to unrealistically high standards.
Socially prescribed: Believing others expect you to be perfect.
Other-oriented: Placing those same high standards onto others.
All forms can impact mental health, but socially prescribed perfectionism is especially linked with anxiety, depression, and burnout. Do you relate to any of these?
The link between perfectionism and mental health
Perfectionism can look like:
Procrastinating because the task feels overwhelming unless it can be done "perfectly"
Difficulty celebrating successes because you’re already focused on what could’ve been better
Avoiding challenges due to fear of not being the best
Feeling that your worth is tied entirely to your performance
Over time, these patterns can lead to low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, or even burnout. For students, professionals, and high-achievers, the constant pressure to be flawless can leave them feeling isolated and never truly satisfied.
What can help?
The good news is that perfectionism is not a life sentence - it’s a pattern that can be shifted. Here are a few steps to start with:
Practice self-compassion
Imagine how you’d speak to a friend who made a mistake. Could you offer yourself the same kindness?Challenge “All-or-Nothing” thinking
Replace “I must get this perfect” with “Done is better than perfect” or “Progress over perfection.”Redefine success
What does success really look like to you? Is it meeting a high standard - or showing up authentically, growing through mistakes, and finding balance?Talk about it
Therapy can be a powerful space to explore the roots of perfectionism. Often, it’s tied to early messages about worth and achievement. Approaches like root-cause therapy can help reframe perfectionistic beliefs and build healthier patterns.
Perfectionism may sound noble, but it often serves as a mask for fear and self-doubt. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. You just need to be you - flaws, growth, and all.
If perfectionism is holding you back from living fully, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I’m here to support you in exploring the why behind your patterns and finding freedom on the other side.
Get in touch if you're ready to break free from perfectionism and create a more grounded, fulfilling life.
